Harry Potter and the Deathly Tea Party
by sevsnapelove09
Summary: What happpens when you put a group of fictional characters around a table for tea time?


THE DEATHLY TEA PARTY

Characters:

- **Harry- Napoleon Dynamite- Snape- Will Turner **

**- Lucius Malfoy- Draco Malfoy- Hermione- Jack Sparrow**

**- Voldemort- Liger- Pedro- Dumbledore**

**- Adolph Hitler - Ron - Pirate band- Chicken**

THE DEATHLY TEA PARTY

_Opens to Lucius, Hitler, Harry, Napoleon, and Voldemort sitting at a table (from left to right). Voldemort's robes are pink. This surprising color is the conversation of the table(?). In walks __Draco Malfoy wearing a pink flowered apron._

**Lucius Malfoy**- What are you doing Draco?

**Draco Malfoy**- Why I'm serving tea, Father. (_exits)_

**Harry**- _(beginning to chuckle)_: Your son is wearing a pink apron!

**Lucius Malfoy**- (_angrily_) It was red!

**Voldemort**- It was pink.

**Lucius Malfoy**- _(yelling)_ That was red!

**Napoleon Dynamite**- No, it was pretty much pink.

_Liger walks behind the scene from right to left, then in front of the scene from left to right, and then behind again from the right this time carrying Ron, Hermione, and Snape._

**Ron**- _(to Voldemort laughing)_ Ha Ha, You're wearing pink robes!

**Voldemort**- _(yelling furiously at Snape_) You! It's all your fault! You dyed all my robes pink!

**Snape**- I thought it would match the color of your eyes, My Lord.

**Voldemort**- My eyes are not pink! They're red, like roses...evil roses. _(kills Snape_)

**Hermione**- _(to Hitler excitedly_) Oh my gosh! Hitler? Adolph Hitler? I'm such a big fan! Zeig Heil!

**Pedro**- _(enters from left, walks a short ways to nearest person_) Vote for Pedro. _(walks further)_ Vote for Pedro. _(repeats until off stage, exits right)_.

**Napoleon Dynamite**- _(to no one in particular)_ Ligers are pretty much my favorite animal. They are the most awesome animals ever!

**Harry**- _(to Napoleon)_ No they're not, Hippogriffs are!

**Napoleon Dynamite**- Ligers have awesome magic skills.

**Harry**- Well, Hippogriffs are half horse, half Griffins! That's way better!

_Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort have engaged in a staring contest. Suddenly a band of pirates sweep across stage taking Hermione with them and leaving Jack Sparrow and Will Turner_.

**Will Turner**- Aye Avast! Awkward silence.

_Lucius Malfoy breaks eye contact with Voldemort losing the staring contest_.

**Voldemort**- Ha Ha, I win! Avada Kadavra! _(kills Lucius)_.

_At that moment, Draco enters carrying tray. _

**Draco**- _(screams like a girl and drops tray_, _begins to run around sobbing_) Daddy! Daddy! _(runs off stage_)

_Jack Sparrow walks to table and takes a sip of tea_.

**Jack Sparrow**- _(dissatisfied)_ That's not rum! ... Pointing to Napoleon Dynamite. Your movie smells like...really bad eggs!

_Jack Sparrow and Will Turner randomly pull out machine guns and shoot each other. _

**Voldemort**- _(to Napoleon_) They're right you know. Your movie really did stink.

**Napoleon Dynamite**- Now I'm gonna have to use my awesome skills to kill you. _(kills Voldemort)_

**Ron**- _(finds Napoleon Dynamite's chap stick_) Hey, look what I've got!

**Napoleon Dynamite**- Hey, give it back! That's my chap stick!

_Ron throws the chap stick to Harry_.

**Harry- **_(laughs)_ No!

**Napoleon Dynamite**- _(in a raspy voice_) But my lips hurt really bad! (_dies of chapped lips_)

_Harry throws the chap stick back at Ron and it sticks in his ear._

**Ron**- Ahhh! There's oozing chap stick in my brain! _(dies_)

**Harry**- Nooooooooo! _(sobbing_)

_Liger enters from the right and slowly makes his way toward Harry who is mourning over Ron's body. Harry does not move and gets eaten or run over or whatever and dies. Dumbledore comes out of nowhere wearing Draco's pink flowered apron. _

**Dumbledore**- Alas, a cornucopia of_ (looks around) _death!…

**Chicken**- _runs across stage squawking loudly! Dumbledore kills chicken_.

_Draco Malfoy walks in wearing nothing but a tea cozy and carrying a tray of Zucchini bread._

**Draco Malfoy**- To Dumbledore, You stole my apron!

**Dumbledore**- You stole my tea cozy!

**Draco Malfoy**- You stole my apron first!

**Dumbledore**- _(pauses)_ Oh no you hath not! _(kills Draco accidentally killing himself when spell ricochets off tray)_

_At this point everyone is lying around dead except for Hitler who is still seated at the table. He gets up and walks to center stage._

**Hitler**- _(rolls eyes)_*in German* something about fictional characters

A/N: This is a story that my friend and I wrote a couple of years ago. She found a copy of it while going through some old fiels so I put it up for your enterainment.


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